Dog Fights Are Started by Stupid Dog People

Dog Fights.  The kind that happen in suburbia.  On sidewalks.  When you and your leashed dog are Minding Your Own Business.

On a quiet Sunday morning in May.  When the only other person on the horizon is a woman who is way at the far end of the street that you have just thought about turning onto.  With her dog.

Off leash.

Her leash is rolled up and scrunched into her hand.  While her dog,  a Springer Spaniel, is busily exploring,  nose-to-the-ground,  three yards away from where SHE is walking.

You know.  That Stupid Dog Person.

And because you know your dog is Alpha-Queen-of-The-Universe,  YOU decide to continue walking on the street you are on.  No right turn with your dog in heel position onto Woodlawn  Avenue.

So NOT  going there.

And. That’s When It Happens.

The Springer Spaniel looks up – it’s now half-way down the block and it’s owner is bending over a flower garden two houses away from where her dog is  …

The Springer Spaniel looks up, sees your dog and instantly charges towards you.   At warp speed.

Does a body slam into your dog because of how fast that charge is-and-you-now-have-a-frenzied-mass-of-two-dogs-making-all-kinds-of-snarling-and-growling-noises that split the Sunday quiet of the neighborhood wide open as you look DOWN the street before yelling

at the Stupid Dog Person:


She – the Stupid Dog Person – comes running up to the fur melee,  wringing her hands.  Really.  Honest to God, she stood there Wringing Her Hands.

Just like an insipid, Gone-With-The-Wind supposed heroine whose role is to look completely inept. Except that those plantation girls were pretty darn smart.


Except that THIS woman , who is now simpering to her dog,  “Oh, Mandy, stop that. C’mon, Mandy, please stop that …” really is SADLY inept.  Dog Stupid.  Worse than Dog Stupid.

About as smart as a dog turd.

Finally, she stops wringing her hands long enough to GET her hands on her dog’s collar.  Which she pulls toward her with enough force to separate the two dogs.  After which she manages to hook that collar to the leash.

The leash that somehow she didn’t drop  while she was inspecting flower gardens half-way down the street less than 4 minutes ago!

And, she stands there.  With her dog.  Now on leash.  Glowering at me.  As if to say, that Everything That Had Just Happened Was My Fault.

Stupid.  Hopelessly, sadly, cruelly stupid.   [gplus count=”true” size=”Medium” ]





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